Okay, so Hong Kong 97 is… something else. Imagine booting up an SNES game and immediately getting hit with a message about how it was meant to go worldwide—except it didn’t, for very obvious reasons once you see the rest.

The premise? Hong Kong in 1997 is getting swarmed by (and I quote) "f**kn' reds," who are trying to resurrect Deng Xiaoping as a bio-weapon. Yeah. You play as "Chin" (basically Jackie Chan), tasked with mowing down 2.5 billion communists. It’s as subtle as a brick to the face.

Gameplay-wise, it’s a barebones shooter where one hit kills you, and the enemies just keep coming. Sometimes Deng’s face pops up like a boss fight, but honestly, the real boss is the music—a five-second loop of ear-grating noise that never, ever stops. I lasted maybe ten minutes before my brain started short-circuiting.

This isn’t "so bad it’s good." It’s just bad. Like, impressively bad. If you’re morbidly curious, watch a playthrough instead—your sanity will thank you.