Bible Adventures on NES is one of those weird, cult-classic oddities from the early '90s—an unlicensed cart that somehow made it into Christian bookstores. You get three games in one: Noah’s Ark, Baby Moses, and David & Goliath, though "loosely based" is putting it generously. Ever played Super Mario Bros. 2? Yeah, it’s basically that, but with more scripture. Like, you’re lugging around crying animals as Noah or tossing baby Moses in a basket (which feels wrong, honestly), all while Bible verses pop up mid-level.

It’s janky, the controls are stiff, and the whole thing feels like a Sunday school lesson crammed into a Mario clone. But there’s something weirdly charming about how earnest it is—like someone really thought this was how you’d make gaming "wholesome." If you’re into obscure, so-bad-it’s-funny retro stuff, this might be worth a laugh. Just don’t expect it to hold up as an actual platformer.