If you've ever wanted to yell at your Sega Genesis while pretending to be a Three Kingdoms warlord, this is your game. Sangokushi Retsuden throws you straight into the chaos—you pick a faction (Cao Cao’s crew is OP, just saying), scramble to recruit officers who actually listen to you, and immediately realize your "brilliant" battle plan is falling apart because someone forgot to stockpile grain.

The pixelated map looks simple until you notice your neighbor’s army creeping toward your weakest city. Diplomacy? Sure, if you enjoy being betrayed by Liu Bei before lunchtime. Battles play out like a mix of chess and a bar fight—cavalry charges feel awesome until your archers get trampled because you misjudged the terrain.

It’s janky in that classic 16-bit way, but there’s something weirdly satisfying about finally uniting China after 20 failed campaigns. Just don’t trust anyone with a beard.